With Ramadan ending and the real summer season kicking in. Everyone will be in Sahel making friends and hooking up. People already in relationships are thinking of proposing.
Marriage is a big step and a bit commitment in your partnership. If you’re thinking about popping the question, you might want to be extra clear on these 15 questions.
1) If we have kids, who will be the primary caregiver?
Will it be split evenly between us? Well obviously, it’s the mother but you have to be there next to her. Every child needs a father. Every mother needs a responsible partner to carry the burden.
2) Are we clear on each others financial obligations and goals?
Do our ideas of spending and saving work meet? Are you going to put your money together or is everyone on a separate budget. Usually the man carries the greater share of house income.
3) What are our expectations for cleanliness of the house?
That’s a tough one. Well, everyone can afford a maid or some help in the house. It can be a full time or part time. As long as it’s a small family, cleaning the house will not take more than a few hours, unless you live in a mansion.
4) Have we discussed fully our overall health history?
Mental, physical and emotional? People tend to hide their history (all of it), but opening up and accepting your partner is important. You accept the good and the bad.
5) Are we adequately affectionate toward one another?
Passion decreases by time. It is acceptable to lose some of that flaming love but you have to search for other qualities to keep you together. Find a hobby, work together, play sports. Every couple should free time for themselves.
6) Can we easily discuss with each other our sexual frustrations, needs, and fears?
You should. Both of you. Marriage is a new life and a new experience. Adding frustrations and unsatisfied needs blurs the experience. Talk honestly, talk dirty, talk calmly. Do it however you wanna do it BUT your spouse has to consent to it.
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
Yeah, this is a big one. It’s up to you to decide!
8) Do we truly trust each other and listen to the other’s ideas and complaints.
This is very important. Keep her secure. Answer he wildest questions. Face her fears. Be a MAN! Listen to complaints attentively. Try to plan workarounds and solutions. For if you don’t, it will all backfire again in your face!
9) Do we truly understand each other’s spiritual beliefs and are we comfortable with each other’s faith or lack thereof?
Here religion bumps with family traditions and everything becomes a chaos. These issues SHOULD be resolved and cleared before getting married. The marriage proposals, engagement gifts, political views, the furniture, the marriage financials, …etc.. These are all Pandora’s boxes. So, sit together and talk until you reach clear cut resolutions on everything.
10) Do we like and enjoy spending time with each other’s friends?
Not all friends are nice. Some are a bad influence. But try not to change your spouse’s circle of friends and trustees too fast. These are people they trusted for years and they have only known you for minutes. Get to know the friends, test them and then start selecting who to come close by and who to ditch for good.
11) Do we respect and value the input of each other’s families.
Will our parents interfere in our marriage? Of course, they will! But you should set your limits from the start because you know your spouse will over stretch them. Think ahead and explain and try not to be harsh or rude about parents views. Wives usually get very defensive when it comes to her family. They are the ONLY people she relied on all her life. They can’t be wrong, ha? Take it slow. Plan ahead and explain the reason behind the limits and views. If your wife is considerate and wise, she will accept your views.
12) Does my family do anything that annoys you?
Does your family annoy me? They will all the time. It is a different upbringing that got into your living room. So keep calm and try to take the good side of it. Remember, setting limits from the start makes everyone happier.
13) Is there anything you’re not willing to give up for marriage?
For some men, giving up on WOMEN is the hardest part. The playboy in one’s blood goes on for years. But love, maturity and family become more important. Giving up on MONEY is very variable, you will have to share your income, car, bank accounts, travel plans with your spouse and that IS a burden. So again, know about what you’re going through.
Giving up on Booze or smoking however, is different. Grow up and keep clean. The partying days are over BUT they don’t have to end. You can still marry someone who fits your partying life and life style. The perfect girl will follow you through the whole nine yards.
14) If one of us was offered a perfect career but it relied moving away from friends and family, could you handle that?
In these desperate times with the Arab Spring, many have moved out and in our culture, it is the norm moving to the gulf or even immigrating elsewhere. It is important to settle this question. Although, there have been cases where the wife backed up on her decision and the husband’s career was ofcourse affected.
15) Do we both feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
By time, love fades away and comes well being, satisfaction and fulfillment. You will face good times and bad times. Try to remember the good times when shit hits the fan. Always be calm and supporting.
In my opinion, the two deal breakers for any marriage are Infidelity and Violence. Everything else can be dealt with, if the couple WANT to!
If you need any help, leave your comment in the section below. We have our own marriage counselor who would be happy to answer it all.