At the beginning of a relationship, many people think that everything will turn out by itself. We enjoy what we have and dream about the perfect future. But then something happens, and for some reason, “by itself” never happens. Quarrels, resentments, and conflicts come out of nowhere. And sooner or later, the moment comes when happiness requires our direct involvement. Relationship building is all about fighting the temptation to take the path of least resistance, and for that, you must take several steps.
Acknowledge that the problem exists
Some believe that if you don’t talk about something, then it doesn’t exist. In practice, it happens differently: if you ignore the problem, it will hide somewhere deep, making you feel like it has disappeared while gaining strength. And when you least expect it, you’ll get crushed by it. And by that time, the problem will be so huge that dealing with it will be a million times harder than when it first appeared.
Understand what the problem is
That is, to sort yourself out. And even more precisely – to understand which of your needs aren’t satisfied and be able to explain exactly what you want from your partner. Until you understand this yourself, you can’t call your relationship broken. “Do something” is straight-up manipulation that makes your partner feel miserable. You’re not helping them understand you – you’re complicating things. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how many dates before the relationship you had – your partner can’t read thoughts. If you don’t know what you need, then no one will know.
Explain your needs to your partner
Again and again. Find a million words and ways to convey what’s important to you. If the partner doesn’t understand, then try again until they do, through other words, with different reasoning. Ask your partner’s friends about how to communicate. Think about what’s important to them and how you can reveal your values using the example of theirs.
Make sure you’ve done your 50% of the work
In every possible way. If it seems like something’s lacking in the relationship, then get your partner involved – find the way to help your partner make you happier. That is, take responsibility for your happiness into your own hands. Abandoning the relationship only because your partner doesn’t understand they must do their part of the job is like saying “I’m never asking this person out again because I think I talked too much on my date last night.” You don’t even assume things might end well.
Remember that your partner is a mirror
Often, we transfer problems from other areas of life to relationships. For example, women like to complain about their partners paying little attention to them. Are you sure the problem is on your loved one’s side? Maybe your need for communication isn’t satisfied? How many friends and colleagues you could spend an evening with? If you don’t have many, then, maybe, you’re demanding from your partner what they don’t want to take upon themselves. Nobody can satisfy absolutely all of our desires. And sometimes we need others.
