Did you know, that in America alone, approximately 50% of marriages end up in divorce?
Marriage, and unfortunately divorce has become a common life occurrence.
When you think of divorce one tends to immediately jump to the conclusion of huge blow-ups and scandalous affairs, but this is not always the case sometimes it can be something so petty and mundane like the way your spouse squeezes the tube of toothpaste to how they pack the grocery cupboard. Little things can irritate and inherently become a bigger bugbear.
If you have reached the final straw in your relationship and you have been thinking of divorce, how do you know you are making the right decision?
You are doubting yourself and continuously thinking am I making the right decision? This is normal but take the time to understand your circumstances and evaluate your marriage. Sometimes, a good exercise is to write a list of the pros and cons of your marriage and see which outways the other and work on the cons together.
So, how do you know when is the time to get a divorce? Here are a few signs to help you. Bear in mind that all marriages differ and this is only a guideline.
When Is It Time to Get a Divorce? 10 Signs That Time Is Now
Not all the signs you should get a divorce are in your face. Some are a lot more subtle and may take some time for you to see.
Here are some of the most common signs a divorce is imminent.
1. No Communication
Communication is key to any successful marriage.
If you are the only one holding a conversation with no input, this could be the sign to stop and reconsider your marriage.
2. Constant Quarreling
Constantly feeling irritated with your spouse could be a sign of a deeper problem. If you are constantly quarreling over small things and these fuel constant ugly and disrespectful comments which attack your partner this can build up to heavy resentment.
3. No Common Interests
We are all unique and have different personalities which lead to different interests. Of course, you cannot always do everything together but there must be some common ground interest that you have. When you ignore these common interests and do not show support for each other’s hobbies and interests, you exclude yourself from nurturing your relationship and may have a problem.
4. Financial Issues
A 2017 survey showed that 21% of divorcing couples found that fighting over money matters was responsible for their divorce.
Each person deals with money issues differently. Stress arises when one partner is trying to maintain a monthly budget and another is a spender. Therefore, it is important to set an agreement in place on how to approach financial matters at the beginning of the marriage if not, this could land up playing a part in reasons for divorce.
5. Health Issues
Often marriage vows are not taken seriously. We forget the part of the marriage vow that states, ‘in sickness and in health until death do us part’.
Some spouses simply cannot cope with illness and the effects thereof on their respective spouses. Perhaps as a result of the illness, the spouse cannot continue to contribute financially and, or physically to the marriage. This can put tremendous strain on the healthy spouse and lead to stresses and strains in the relationship.
Uncurbed addiction be it, alcohol, drugs, or gambling can lead to a change in personality and behavior. Ultimately, it ends up that you are married to a total stranger. This could lead to a flawed marriage and an unstable environment.
Addiction can cause some of the below in a marriage:
7. Physical or Mental Abuse
Domestic violence is not only a physical thing. It can encompass psychological, insulting, and physical abuse.
Mental abuse is the control to achieve total domination over another. Often, mental abuse goes side by side with physical abuse. Intimidation, guilt trips, and fear are used by an abuser to maintain control.
Domestic violence and abuse happen in all walks of life. It does not differentiate between age, sex, class, color, or creed.
At the end of the day, abuse is not acceptable. It can start as simple spoken words and escalate to full emotional and physical state and in some cases even cause death.
8. Pressure of Having Children
It is a known fact that the relationship between partners can suffer once children come along.
The addition of a child or children can be an added stress factor. What with extra expenses, learning to share your time, and attention with the rest of the family.
Invariably, one, or the other partner can start to suffer under the added strains and will start to pull away perhaps even become jealous. This can add extra stresses and strains to the marriage.
9. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is not just about sexual gratification it is about companionship. Learning to spend time together can go a long way to form an intimate bond.
If there is a lack of intimacy and the relationship is cold, it can cause frustration, physically and mentally. When this happens, you are human after all, you will seek out intimacy elsewhere which can eventually lead to infidelity and trust issues.
10. Infidelity and Trust
At the outset of your marriage, you do not set out to cheat but with today’s world and all its pressures, there are many common reasons for infidelity.
Infidelity is in fact, the most common undoing of marriages and causes uncertainty, mistrust, and doubt.
Divorce Is Not a Light Decision
All marriages go through highs and lows. The thing to do is to prepare yourself for the lows.
Communication is the key to any relationship. Discuss the what-if scenarios at length before they happen. This will help avoid any frustration and disappointment in the long run.
You have now made your decision to get divorced. Don’t forget to plan for the cost of a divorce. The financial implication of a divorce does not only include legal fees. Plan for other financial factors such as rental or purchase of new accommodation as well as setting up a completely new home from furnishings to utensils.
Take a long hard think and argue all points before taking the plunge and deciding on a divorce!